New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
