Umm I'm too high to move.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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