I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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