I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
