Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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