yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
