just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
