So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
