Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
