she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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