How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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