college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
