Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
