if i can run in heels then i can drive
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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