Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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