i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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