there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
