I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
