she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
