she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
