my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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