Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
