If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
