even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
