i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
