its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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