It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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