I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
