i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
