Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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