don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
