I heard we made out
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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