I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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