Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
