You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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