my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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