I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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