so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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