You're my little dorito
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
