She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
