ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
