Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
