i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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