end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
