You can't special order awesome
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
