Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
