she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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