Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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