I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
