My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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