I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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