I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
