she was so not down for the gang bang
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Actions speak louder than pants.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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