So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
