You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
